JELLY is over? NO IT ISN'T! Jelly is forever!
by writingsomestuff
Summary: Jen is getting arrested but is this the end of Jelly? No definitely not, it will never be the end of jelly cause jelly is forever!
1. Chapter 1

I couldn't take the end of jelly so I'm just not going to let them end like on hollyoaks. Let me know what you all think or what you would like to see happening! Enjoy!

Before letting the police take Jen away she wanted to say a sort of goodbye to the two people she had disappointed the most according to herself, the two people she loved. Liam, her brother and the girl who's heart she had broken, the one who she had loved, the girl who had loved her back, Tilly.

The way Laim had reacted wasn't verry good. Shouldn't he supposed to support his sister no matter what. Jen knew for herself, she had made mistakes and she did regret them. Now suddenly everything, the truth was coming out in a really messed up way with everyone attacking her she just drowned in her own mistakes. The teacher did what she had been trying to do ever since she made those mistakes, trying to keep her head above water. Because she was scared of what might happen if people knew everything. She truly felt sorry, Jen really did and hoped her brother would be there for her, she needed his support.

'Liam …' began Jen

'What Jen' He quickly interrupted, he sounded annoyed, ashamed for his sisters behavior. 'What do you want me to do exactly? ..'

Jen was thinking of an answer. She had wanted to tell him she's sorry, that she had been so stupid but that she had been so scared. She had been wanting to ask him to forgive her, not to leave her, to please still be her brother but Jen couldn't. The things she feared for at the start, of what might happen were now happening. Actually the things that were happening were even worse the Jen had imagined it would be and feel like.

The officer next to Jen then just leaded her outside but when passing TIlly, Jen stopped. There she sat, the girl she loved and who once loved her back, the girl she still loved, the girl who didn't loved her back anymore because she broke her heart, because she had been so stupid, because she had been blinded. The girl who was everything she needed to feel alright again. Seeing her memories flashed through her thoughts, the mistakes she had made to screw their thing up and Jen's chest now did hurt even more.

The brunette looked at her with her insides screaming and crying but she tried to just stay calm on the outside. Feeling powerless, knowing it's all over because of her own mistakes, realizing this is the very end and there is nothing left she can do, only tell her how sorry she is. 'I'm sorry' Jen quietly spoke, really meaning it.

This moment was hard for Tilly too. Jen did had broken her heart but she knew this whole situation wasn't completely the teachers fault. It was all just such a big mess. The redhead locked eyes with her former girlfriend. She saw the sorrow in her eyes, she saw the real Jen, the sensitive one, the one she … . Hearing Jen apologize to her and seeing her looking down ashamed.

'Me too' replied the redhead, feeling sorry for Jen too but she also knew everything wasn't only her fault at all. At this moment Tilly was taking everything in what happened. Really everything, all the things that had happened the last year.

Watching Jen get taken away by the police made TIlly's heart stop for a second, it did hurt. The teenager's expression was filled with it. Like she couldn't believe this was happening. Sure she was mad at her former teacher/ girlfriend for doing what she did to her but she didn't wanted to put her in prison. They had been in their relationship together, she never had made any abuse of her position as teacher to take advantage of the her. Never. It had been Tilly herself who had been the first one to fight for Jen, for her love without caring about her job and begging her to just ignore it. The fact that it hurt so much was hard for the teenager to understand. She was mad but it hurt but why did it hurt so much?

When Jen was gone everyone started talking about the whole situation. They were talking like Jen was some sort of scumbag, a pervert. Tilly just sat there listening to them, not really joining the conversation. All she could think of was how wrong they were, like they didn't even know Jen. The Jen they were talking about wasn't even close to who Jen really was. It was like now they only saw the negative of the brunette and just forgot about all the good things Jen had done. When the redhead couldn't hear all those negative comment -about the girl she once loved- stilly just stood up. She excused herself, saying she was expected to be home and then walked away. Once outside, a tear rolled down the girl's face. The teenagers head was filled with questions. When she came home Tilly took a shower and jumped in bed, escaping from the reality.

The next day.

JEN

Sitting in her cell, Jen's mind went crazy. She wanted to bump her head against the wall over and over again because she felt stupid, dump. She hated herself for everything she did. Time was killing her. Time to think en rethink every moment, every mistake she had made that made her end up being lock away in that cell she was in.

Meeting Esther in the folly was one of them.

Jen remembered how she was shocked to see her there. Scared the blonde might have seen Tilly behind her or heard her. So she didn't really was with her full attention to the state Esther was in, Jen herself was in a to much of a shock. She did saw the vodka but didn't really saw how much there was still in the bottle. Jen did remember asking the girl if she was there on her own and Esther answering 'not for any much longer'. The answer that had caused the automatic assumption that there were some friends coming to join her any minute. So Jen had decided to leave, that's how her brain reacted that moment.

TILLY

About a hundered times Tilly had woken up that night. She just couldn't sleep. Her mind was filled too much. It was about 1 p.m. when the girl decided it was about time to get up. About an half hour later her phone beeped again. Tilly wasn't in the mood to talk but as her phone had been beeping every minute over the last 30 minutes, she decided to check her messages. Esther, Sinead, Ruby, they all had been texting her to see if she wanted to hang out this afternoon. Tilly send a text to reject the offer and then just started studing math. This was one of her way to keep her mind away from the things that were going on in her life. After an hour of studying Tilly needed a break and went to grab a coffee. There she bumped into Esther. Her friend started about the subject Jen. Tilly had been hoping she wouldn't but now she just had. The redhead didn't want anyone to know how she really was feeling about this whole situation. So she just answered like society would expect her to answer, that she had been stupid and fooled by her teacher. Esther continued this subject so Tilly just excused herself, she really didn't wanted to talk about Jen with anyone else. Certainly not if it only would be to talk dirty about her. It was around 5 p.m. when the redhead got a phonecall. It was from esther, telling she had some great news and asking if she wanted to come over at her place. Tilly was curious about the good news and when esther told her she was filled with joy. She couldn't believe esther had done that for her and thanked her friend a thousand times. Tilly was more then happy to be able to go back at hollyoaks six form. Later when they were at esthers tilly thanked her friend again and then they just watched a movie. When esther had fallen asleep it was time for the redhead to go home. Trying not to make any sound tilly crawled off the bed. The redhead placed a soft kiss as in a way of saying goodbye and thank you.

On her walk back home Tilly still felt euphoric, she was going to be back at hollyoaks six form with all her friends. This was amazing! However how happy tilly felt at this moment, something was nagging at her… . Something called situation Jen.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you all for the nice feedback! Keep it coming!

You can reach me on twitter writingsomestuf

One of the days in her cell while being lost in thought Jen's name was called out. She had a visitor. The brunette hoped it wouldn't be her lawyer again but her brother. When she walked into the room Jen immediate spotted the visitor waiting for her, she couldn't believe her eyes. Was this even allowed? It was Tilly.

The redhead was there because she had been thinking about it all too, like a lot, really a lot. Their last words had been an apology but for what exactly. Tilly felt an urge to talk with her ex-girlfriend one more time, she needed it so she could understand and go on with her life.

Jen walked over to the table Tilly was sitting at and took place on the seat opposite of her former girlfriend. Neither of them did know what to say. In their head they were talking to each other about a bunch of stuff but neither of them were able to say those words out loud. The brunette really wanted to say something, to be the first one to talk, to apologize and thank the girl for coming, to ask her why she was here but it was a hard thing to do.

'Are you okay?' Were the first words that got spoken by Tilly, after a long period of silence.

'Erm, .. yeah, .. erm' The brunette did her best to answer but stumbled over her words so she took a deep breath to compose herself.

'Tilly, you sho…' spoke Jen hesitating… 'I… I really am so sorry' continued the brunette once she had faced down to the table.

'I know Jen, I'm sorry too' replied the redhead calm

At the beginning of the conversation Jen didn't really know how the react. So Tilly started it up, the more time they spend and talk, the smoother the conversation went. It had been Tilly who had done most of the talking and Jen had just listened to her. To how she was feeling, she explained that it the whole situation was just so complex and that it wasn't just Jen's fault. How it was never her attention to let Jen end up in prison. By the end, Tilly promised to come back. The things Tilly had asked and how Jen had replied on those questions were quite fussy and tilly wanted to know more but visiting time was over so no more talk for today.

'Thank you so much for coming Tilly! I really … thank you!' said Jen before Tilly stood up to go back home

'It's okay, I promises I'll come back okay' Replied Tilly friendly

Jen nodded and got guided away back to her cell while Tilly walked outside and went back home.

JEN

The brunette was happy with Tilly's visit, she never expected that to happen. The things her ex-girlfriend had said, made her feel better but she still was filled with the feeling of guilt. After a while alone, loneliness soon took back over but the redhead's visit had given Jen the feeling she wasn't alone. She went back to her book, were she wrote things down. It was already quite filled. Most of the memories she had written down were the once Jen thought she had failed. Now after Tilly's visit she found herself writing down some good memory, the best memory which was also the start for the trouble she was in now. Jen wrote down the memory of meeting Tilly and taking her to the beach.

TILLY

The redhead felt worse after her visit to her ex-girlfriend. She looked miserable, she had told she was okay but she sure didn't look okay. How could she, being locked up in a tiny room not knowing what is going to happen and having all the time to think out possible scenario's. She promised to go back and she was defiantly going to, maybe tomorrow already. Jen didn't say much, how could she even, when Tilly had been doing most of the talking. Did anyone else visit her or didn't want anyone anything to do with her now she was locked up. Why would everyone even judge Jen, they don't know the whole story and besides they don't have anything to do with it!

Tilly came back the next day.

When Jen came to join Tilly at the table the redhead greeted her with a simple 'Hey'

'Hey, thanks for coming. I really appreciate it.' Honestly spoke Jen

'It's no problem. How are you today?' asked Tilly cause Jen didn't really look that good.

The brunette didn't felt good, last night she hadn't slept well but she didn't wanted to say all that to Tilly so she just answered 'Fine, thank you. How about you?'

'I'm good.' said the redhead to answer Jen's question and she smiled weak.

'Good, I'm glad to hear that! Tilly, I've been thinking and well it may sound a bit weird and I don't know if it will work but maybe if you want to I can call the collage and tell them to let you back in… .'

Tilly didn't really know what to say. Jen calling college to let her back in!? How brave of her to suggest such a thing. But she was already back in, well in a few days. So Jen didn't have to make any awkward calls. Could she tell her that, the fact she was already allowed to go back, that esther already put in a word for her…?

Jen saw the worried, doubting, uncomfortable expression in tilly's face. 'I mean you don't have to, .. I just thought you felt good at that collages and that's imported to feel good at school … but if … I'm sorry it's a stupid idea anyway…. I'm sorry' Blabbed the former teacher out really fast, in one breath.

'No, don't be … I'm mean you don't have to be sorry… what I'm trying to say is that I'm … well with everything that's been going on I'l sort of allowed to go back already so… .'

'Oh, well, that's great isn't!?'

'Yeah well' answered the redhead and smiled weak.

'I'm happy for you! You deserve to have your place back at collage and I'm so sorry for … taking it away… I've never meant to, I've never thought Keeler would have but .. well I'm sorry' Explained getting worked up, emotional.

The teenager saw how jen was getting back to torturing herself with feelings of guilt and only could think of how she must feel like when she back in her little room behind bars.

'Jen, … it's okay, it was all just so messed up…' tilly said in an attempt to make Jen feel less guilty

'It isn't, why don't you see, it's all my fault. I'm the one who messed it all up Tilly. I've been writi… All I've ever done is … I'm such a fai… They were r… it's all my fault.' Spoke jen emotional, wanting to tell that's she has been writing everything down and that in the past she hadn't done anything right, that she feels like a failure but she couldn't say it out loud, she couldn't say it to tilly. Jen didn't want to act like, ... pathetic cause she thought she didn't deserve to take the role as being the one who's hurt. According to herself this was all her fault.

Even though Jen hadn't the intention to make Tilly feel sorry for her, the redhead did. The more she saw Jen, talked to her the more she found out more when paying attention to the details. Tilly felt like there was something, something Jen was hiding. However the brunette didn't really give much away, she kept it for herself. The teen knew there was something and that something might be the answer to her questions, to help her understand. Tilly was determined to find out what it was and decided it was time to go to the only one who could help her. Liam.


	3. Chapter 3

Just finished this, hope you like it. Still have to begin writing the next chapter so if you guys have any idea's, feel free to share them with me ;) Leave a comment, PM me, tweet me writingsomestuf (only one f) AND THANK YOU for those who already have :D

The redhead didn't know if Liam had or hadn't visited his sister already. She assumed he had but when she tried to get a hold of him she started doubting that. Liam wasn't really up to have a talk with his sister former girlfriend that had been a student of hers. After nagging a while tilly finally succeeded to convince the brother to go for a drink. Liam made clear at the beginning he didn't saw the point of their chat and wanted to get away but tilly insisted.

Once they sat at a table tilly didn't really know where to start. There were a thousand of things running through her mind to talk about but which one would be the best to begin with.

'So how do you think Jen's doing?' Was the question Tilly decided to start with.

'I don't really know…'

'How do you mean? Don't tell me you haven't visited her yet!'

Liam just looked guilty away

'Liam! She's your sister!' spoke tilly a bit mad, shocked by the fact he just had abandoned her like that.

'I know, it's just … I told her she would end up there with what she was doing with you!' Liam tried to explain

With Liam saying this, Tilly started to feel a bit guilty so she apologized. 'I'm sorry, it was never my intension to …'

'She promised me she ended it but no she didn't have to listen to me did she. I shouldn't have know that! It's not like she did anyway, not ever since collage… anyway I don't get this whole thing.' Liam said, it was like he was about to tell something more, something else. Something that might explain Jen's behaviour but he didn't. It didn't go unnoticed by tilly cause the guy's face looked like he had said something he shouldn't.

'It's more complicated, it all is… but she's blaming herself, Jen is torturing herself with guilt, I can see it! When she shouldn't, Liam this whole thing is just to messed up.'

For another hour the brother and ex-girlfriend talked about their Jen and everything that happened. Tilly had told Liam how she and Jen had met. How Jen had broken up with her as soon as she found out that tilly was a student of hers. That it had been tilly herself who had done everything to convince his sister that they could work and Jen finally had giving in because she loved Tilly, they had a connection.

The talk with Tilly had putten Liam to think. He felt stupid for not visiting his sister sooner and just letting her drop like he had done.

Liam asked about the visits Tilly had brought to his sister and she told him her impressions of them. The way Jen looked liked, the way she had behaved, what they talked about.

Hearing Tilly speak about his sister, he felt so stupid, like an idiot. He had know his sister all their life and always had gotten along. They were like best mates, he knew everything Jen had been through and yet now he had let her fall just like that. Jen had always been there for him so had he for her but now… How could he just have abonned her like that. Liam sure knew why. Because his sister had decided to fool around with a student of hers, which isn't allowed by society cause it seems moarly wrong like in a abusing way. But hearing Tilly, the students his sister was actually in love with, hearing her talk about their relationship, Liam realized he had it all wrong. The thing his sister and this girl must have had, hadn't been abusing at all! It had been nothing else than pure LOVE!

This was it, Liam had heard enough, he couldn't bare to be an idiot brother who gave up on his sister and judged her just like everyone else had done. He had to make things right again. Now he knew the full story, the real full story. Liam was the only one who knew everything that happened. The event that happened here in hollyoaks but also everything Jen had been through before. Liam understood his sister's behavior now more but couldn't get why his sister was torturing herself with guilt. Jen was so wrong and now it was his job to make her see that!

Liam stood up, excused himself and said to Tilly he had a place to go to. He said it was time to be Jen's brother again, he had been action like the king of the idiots for to long right now. It was time to make things right again. The redhead couldn't do anything else then smile, thank him and wish him good luck!

When Liam left so did Tilly. On her way back home she felt happy but there was that one thing she couldn't let go. What was the thing Liam had wanted to say. The redhead was sure he had almost let something slip but shut up in time. What was that, what was he hiding? Should she confront Jen with it? Tilly was going back to her tomorrow, like she had promised to Jen! Maybe tomorrow she should go a little later so Liam has enough time to talk with his sister or maybe she should go before him?


	4. Chapter 4

There is hope!

Enjoy! :D

Last had been rough. In the cell next to Jen somebody had tried to kill herself wich had been noticed and then caused a lot of chaos and that in the middle of the night. Jen was never going to get used to this place, she thought and understood why this women next to her had tried to take her life. It wasn't really possible for the brunette to got much more sleep after that incident.

She was not the only one who had trouble sleeping. A certain redhead laid awake too, thinking. Rethinking and overthinking. Not anything but everything, all the events of past year. All the things that had to do with her ex-girlfriend, Jen. Things they had been through together, things she didn't know about Jen that could possibly have happened and the thought of the brunette all alone in a cold dark room with bars on it. That last thought kept coming back. She felt so sorry for her, this was not what she deserved. It kind of killed her thinking of how that must feel like. Tilly took a pillow and held it tight against herself. She hugged it as if it was Jen. With all those thoughts in her head, the redhead started to cry silently while holding pillow Jen even stronger and eventually she felt asleep.

The morning came a lot sooner then expected. It was Thursday morning 8 a.m. and it was a studyday for the teachers so no school for the that wasn't the fist thing Tilly had to think when she woke up. For the moment she had even been the slightiest bit awake she had felt the pillow which she was still snuggled close to and immediately she had to think of Jen.

Filling in the time before she could go to see Jen was difficult. Everything constantly reminded the redhead of that specific person locked away because of her. Eventually Tilly decided to draw a bit, something for Jen.

When it was finally time to head to Jen, Tilly's mom stopped her asking where she was going. The redhead lied and told she went to see some friends. 'Well in that case can you first get to the store for some grocery's I need.' Not wanting to start an argument the teenager agreed and hurried up to buy the stuff of her mom's list. As fast as possible she dropped them inside and went back outside to avoid any other little task her mom might give her. It was time to see the girl she …, Jen now!

'Hello, I'm here to see Jen Gilmore please.' Tilly asked one of the guards who then would bring her to the visitors room.

'Just one moment please' answered the man and looked on his computer. 'I'm sorry but you can't see her right now, Miss Gilmore is with her counsel at the moment.'

'Can I see her after then?'

'I'm not sure, depents on when the council leaves.'

'Well can I wait here then?'

'Yeah sure no problem, you can wait over there.'

Tilly went to the bench which the guard had pointed to and sat herself down. She had been waiting about ten minutes or less before she saw the guard handing over the personal belongings to a women in a women's suit.

'See you tomorrow council!' He said and then signed the redhead to come over.

So this was Jen's lawyer, Tilly thought to herself and before she knew it she walked right to that women.

'Hello, excuse me, I'm sorry but might I ask you, are you Jen Gilmore's lawyer?'

The women was quite surprised by the sudden voice from behind her. 'Erm yes, I am.'

'Oh, good! Erm, hello. I'm a friend of Jen and I've been … the thing is Jen isn't really … how should I say this … well the way she is …' Stumbled Tilly trying to find the right words.

'I'm sorry young lady but I'm afraid I don't have much time, I've got to be in court within 50 minutes.'

'WAIT! I'm sorry, just one more minute. I don't know if Jen already asked you, probably not but is there any chance to bail her out of here?'

'Actually I've already suggested that but she said there is no one to bail her out and she doesn't have any money so… I'm afraid that isn't an option.'

'Oh no, wait … I can help her and so can Liam so … . Is there a chance Jen might be released on bail?'

'I think so but my client …'

'Please, would you aply for it then…?' interrupted tilly

'I'm sorry this is something I've got to discus with my client first.'

'Okay, well you're here so …, please, it would be so much better for her.'

'Let me check the time, … okay I guess I got 5 more minutes right.'

'Thank you!'

'No problem, I think it'll be better for her too!' Miss Jones walked back to the guard.

'Would you please tell her you saw me and I'll see her after you!' Tilly quickly said before the women walked away from the guard up to the long hallway that let to the visitor's room.

Miss Jones had heard the redhead, she looked back, nodded at her and then continued her walk.

Jen didn't know why she was called back. Did they thought she had received something of her lawyer?

'Hello Jen, I've got something else I need to ask you. Erm, … oh what's her name again … I believe she didn't even said it. Anyway, outside there is a young women, short ginger hair, waiting for you and she brought something up about bailing you out.'

The brunette didn't had to think a second to know who that women was. She felt a sudden dust of happiness flying over her as she heard that news.

While Jen's thoughts now only were stuck with tilly her lawyer continued talking.

'Of course I told her this wasn't up to her but I had to discus this wit you. So Jen what do you think?'

That question brought Jen back to the conversation. 'Erm, yeah I guess so … yeah okay.'

'Okay, well good then. I'll let you know something as soon as I can! You'll have to excuse me now but I really have to go. Keep hanging in there Jen!'

'Okay, thank you!' answered Jen and nodded yes.

Miss Jones wans't gone a minute or there she was. Tilly walking over to Jen. They talked about an hour cause then time was over. Jen thanked Tilly and told her she didn't needed to but that she was glad she had done that for her. The redhead blushed a bit and told Jen she thought it would be good for her. She told her that she and Liam would support her. That's how they landed on the subject Liam and Tilly told them about their talk of the day before. Jen couldn't believe what she heard and hoped Liam would visit her soon. She needed her brother. The hour was over soon and Tilly had to go.

'Thank you for coming again!'

Tilly smiled and stood up. Jen copied the redhead.

'Well goodbye then…' the brunette quietly spoke.

Tilly could see Jen's face as it had gotten to the point where she had to go back to her cell. This was it, Jen needed to know that she wasn't leaving her! She needed to feel that tilly still cared for her, that she wasn't alone. And just before Jen was about to turn around Tilly stopped her. The redhead took a step closer and pulled Jen into an embrace. She hugged her tight and whispered into the brunette's ear 'I'll be back soon okay! I promis!'


	5. Chapter 5

So I finally got this kind of idea where I'm going with this story. Hope you all like it. It's a bit shorter but I ain't got time to write more. Next chapter will be up tomorrow or Sunday. Keep sharing your feedback. What do you think?  
Have fun reading :D

A genuine bright happy smile was formed by the brunette lips. Tilly's arms around her felt so good, so comfortable, so trustful, so genuine, for a moment Jen ha felt at ease, that embrace made her feel like home.

On her bed, thinking back of it now she wrapped her arms around herself to kind of relive that moment but there was no such a thing as reliving that moment without Tilly there to hold her. Jen had lived for the 5 seconds the embrace lasted. Never had she wanted to let go but she had to. Now thinking of that, the brunette started to blame herself again, for everything. So she went back to her writings.

After lunch Jen's named got called out again. Her third visitor of the day, who might that be or did Tilly come back?

'Hey' Liam spoke as his sister came to join him. He look a bit ashamed, ashamed of himself, for not coming earlier.

'Hey Liam, thank you for coming'

'Yeah, sorry about that, I mean for not coming any sooner … I… needed some … time.'

'It's okay, you're here now and I'm glad for that!' the brunette said forgiving him right away for his delay

'I've missed you sis'

Jen smiled, not bright but not weak either, something in between. 'I miss you too!'

'I'm really sorry though! For acting like the king of the idiots'

Jen laughed as he said this. It was one of the few little laughs she had let out in this place and really meant to laugh. This was probably the second, the first one had occurred when Tilly had hugged her so genuine tight before she had to leave.

'I'm used to nothing else' Jen then joked

Liam let out a lil laugh. When he was done his face turned serious and the conversation went quiet for a moment. Jen's brother wanted to start about a certain subject but didn't know where to begin.

'Yesterday I spoke with someone and … '

The brunette saw how his brother carefully chose his words, he didn't knew Tilly already had been here today. A weird look on Jen's face gave away she already knew wher Liam was going to…

'You already know don't you!?'

'Yes, Tilly has been here earlier so she told me the two of you had a chat.' Answered Jen smiling.

'So you knew I was coming today?'

'Not sure but I hoped to. I'm really glad you did!'

'I'm glad I did to, like I said I was an idiot for not coming earlier. I feel so stupid for not being there for you! You don't deserve this!'

Jen just ignored that, inside her mind she thought that she was infact to blame, for all of it. 'Liam did you told Tilly to ask my lawyer to let me out on bail?' The brunette wanted to know.

'No but wow, can you get, when?'

'Calm down, I don't know … maybe. Mrs. Jones is going to aply for that'

'Well that's great news, that's amazing why aren't you happy?'

'I am happy!' replied the former teacher but without a smile on her face. She looked more … well sunken into thoughts

'Then why aren't you smiling!?'

Jen looked up and blank faced asked her brother: 'Liam, what exactly did you tell Tilly of my past?'


	6. Chapter 6

I so should be studying but this is just so much more fun! :o There might be another chap up tonight, if not it's definitely gonna be on tomorrow :D

Jen.. I didn't tell anything!

The brunette looked at her brother in disbelieve.

'I almost let something slip but I did'nt tell her anything, I promis.

'You better keep it that way. I don't want tilly to know about… .'

'I'll leave that up to you, she ain't gonna hear a thing from me'

Liam had another half hour before he had to leave for work and he stayed just as long as he could.

Meanwhile tlly was walking through town and stopped for a coffee. There she bumped into Esther who then invited her to come over to hers and Tilly did. Together they ate something and then went to Esther's room to watch a movie. The whole time Esther hadn't brought up the subject Jen and that was something the redhead was glad for. Until they were in Esther's room and the movie had to be picked. One of the movie was a lot about art and the blonde told her friend it might be better to watch another movie if it would remind her to much of Jen. Tilly had said it was no problem, she didn't really mind. Now the ice was broken, esther went on about Jen but not in a good way. Tilly didn't want anyone to know she had actually visited the teacher in jail and was helping her so she just silencely nodded in an attempted to shrug the subject off. It was harder then it looked as esther said all kind of things about the brunette, things she thought of her now and things she thought before. The redhead hated this but then when her friend told her finally something positive about her former teacher, she carefully tried to find out more. Jen had helped Esther trying to feel better, by writing a letter to herself which she had done to when she was younger. _Did Jen just told her that last part to make estther feel like she wasn't the only one who felt bad? Or did she had done that herself too? Why then did Jen had to write herself that letter? Where did she felt down for? What was the thing she was hiding? _When Tilly had asked Esther a question about it she said she didn't know and went back to criticizing Jen. How that letter hadn't helped at all cause Sinead had taken in and used it against her. And with that the blond was back on the path of negativity talk. Tilly had enough of it, she knew Jen had done some efforts to help esther but she had declined that help.

'So what about this movie then?' The redhead said, interrupting her friend.

'Oh yeas I've been wanting to watch that for a while now, good choice Tils! You know me so well!'

Esther went to the kitchen and quickly made some popcorn while tilly was setting up the movie. When the blonde came back they made it themselves comfortable on the bed and Esther rested her head on Tilly's shoulder. The movie, a romantic comedy was really funny. Both of the girls had a good time and laughed their ass of. When the movie was over ther recapped some of the scenes and chatted some more about random stuff. It had gotten time for Tilly to head home. Esther had said she could stay the night but the redhead had to be somewhere in the morning so she thought it would better if she just went home now. She thanked Esther for the invited, told her she had a good time and definitely had to do this again. The blonde agreed and pulled tilly in for a hug. When they let go and Tilly was about to leave Esther said 'thanks for a great night Tils' and kissed her friend, on the lips.


	7. Chapter 7

Have a great weekend! Enjoy

Tilly was shocked about the kiss, so shocked that she just stood there frozen still. Until esther pulled back with a smile on her face. The redhead didn't know what to do or say. 'Erm …' she started 'I've really got to go' said tilly speaking real fast, forcing a smile and rushing out that room. What the hell happened? What was all that? Why did esther kiss her? Is she … like in love with her? This was something Tilly hadn't seen coming at all. What did she have to do know? Why does life has to be so hard?

Later when the redhead was laid in bed she couldn't let go of what happened. Her phone beeped. It was esther asking if she got home safe and wishing her good night. Tilly just ignored the text. She had to think. _Did she had wanted esther to kiss her? Maybe she had send her friend some signals. Oh no what if Jen finds out. Wait why am I scared Jen will find out? What if Jen thinks I like Esther? Maybe she'll think I set her up.. oh no Jen… . Jen won't know, she can't, how would she have found about that Esther kissed me. What if she asked what I've doing? Should I tell her I watched a movie with Esther and she then kissed me and I did nothing about it? I just didn't want to hurt her, she's my friend. So I didn't wanted her to kiss me? Of course I didn't want her to kiss me! She's my friend nothing else, nothing more! I don't love her like I love J….! Stop it Tilly! Stop it! Stop thinking! Aaaaggrr why can't life just be simple! I got to tell Esther she and her ain't gonna be a thing! I hope Jen doesn't notice that anything is up! Uh, I'll need to see Esther before I go to see Jen! Daim it!_ With all those thoughts circling inside the redheads mind it took a while to fall asleep but eventually she did!

The morning rose early. It had been a though night for the redhead. Jen again was the first thing on her mind but then the events of last night started to sink back in and Tilly now started back to worry. She knew for sure now she did had wanted Esther to kiss her. Not at all! And now she had to tell her that, in a friendly, polite, non-hurting way. It wasn't gonna be an easy job but Esther just had to know the truth. Well not the whole truth just the truth about tilly's feelings towards her, which was pure friendship and nothing more! So Tilly texted her friend to meet for a coffee.

About an hour later tilly sat in collage coffee waiting for her friend to arrive. Esther didn't know what to expect she already assumed this was gonna be some kind of date so she had made some effort to look great. Looking way too overdressed for just some coffee the blonde entered with a smile written all over her face that grow even more when she spotted Tilly on one of the sofa's. This made it only harder for tilly to say what she wanted to say cause clearly Esther was head over heels. The two friends hugged each other before sitting down and ordering their coffee.

'Here you go'

'Thanks Tilly!'

The redhead forced herself to smile. 'Esther we need to talk' she then started.

'Oh, erm well okay… but I don't regret what happened last night Tilly. I really like you.'

Uh Esther why do you have to say that, Tilly was thinking. 'Oh, erm … I don't really know what to say, I'm a bit shocked … I was a bit shocked. I mean about last night… I've been thinking all night.' Began tilly a bit confused

'Me too, I know what you mean. I couldn't sleep, you were stuck in my mind…' answered Esther thinking she knew what her friend was talking about

'Esther, … I'm sorry …' Interrupted Tilly looking worried, sad, unsure 'I don't, I mean you're my friend Esther and I love you but as a friend like I love gorge but …'

The blonde saw the seriousness in her friends face and immediately felt stupid for even believing she had a chance with Tilly. 'But why did you let me kiss you then?'

'I …I was shocked and scared, I didn't wanted to hurt you or scare you away. You're my friend Esther and I want us to stay like that.

'Oh, … I , yeah you're probably right. We better just stay friends.' Said Esther who was clearly hurt by the rejection.

All tilly really wanted was to run away form there, it was quite awkward now. After all this was the second time she had rejected the blonde. But the redhead stayed, she was Esther's friends and wanted to stay friends. She knew more then anyone else that Esther now needed a friend and she wouldn't let her alone now. They agreed not letting this change anything between them. About 15 minutes later Esther had a call from home where she was expected to be cause they where going to an aunt or something. So friends said goodbye and gave each other a friendly hug before they both left.

Tilly was glad things between her and Esther were clear now, they were friends and that's it! Now that was solved it was time to bring someone else a visit. Someone who could use a visit too, Jen of course.


	8. Chapter 8

The redhead was quite excited to go visit her former teacher. She had kind of missed her, even if she had been busy. When she saw Jen walking towards her, the teenager stood up and walked towards her. Immediately wrapping her arms around the brunette and holding her close for a moment before taking their seats at the table.

'How are you?'

'Really you are going to ask me how I'm doing while you … well you know what I mean.'

'Yeah so how are you!'

'I'm okay, what about you?'

'Good, oh I got some good news… I've got a call from miss Jones, my lawyer'

'Oh did she said anything about bail? When are…' Interupted the redhead curiously

'Heyhey, let me finish… so I got yesterday, quite late but that doesn't matter. If Liam is gonna pay today then I'll be out on bail Monday morning.' Said Jen smiling

'Jen that's amazing' Tilly spoke enthusiast grabbing the girl's hands on the opposite chair of her kissed the back of it 'ow that great it's, Jen you're getting out!'

The brunette stared at her hands which just had been kissed by tilly and she was still holding them. She liked the touch, the kisses but forced herself not to like it and not to think of Tilly like that. 'Yeah, it's great!'

'Does Liam already know?'

'Erm yeah, i give miss Jones his phone number and she was going to inform him. He coming later today he said yesterday so I'll know more about it then.'

'Is it okay if I ring him later?'

'sure no problem'

'Jen you're getting out. Can you believe that! I almost can't believe that!'

'yes, no … erm I can't'

'So where are you going to be staying?'

'Well Liam just got his flat and he got a spare room. It's small but for now it will have to do.'

'Yeah, … you're getting out Jen!' Tilly spoke in disbelieve 'I'm sorry, … at what time do you get out?'

'At 8 a.m. or something I think…'

'Oh I'll come and get you then!'

'Tilly you don't have to, you got school on Monday you know!' said Jen, not wanting the teenager to sacrifice her education for her even though she loved the idea that Tilly was willing to be there when she got out.

'I know but… I want to' protested the redhead

'NO but…, you're going to school!'

'you're such a teacher!'

Jen looked down realizing she isn't, not anymore. The redhead saw this and felt stupid for just saying that.

'I'm sorry…, I didn't meant to..'

'It's okay, I know you didn't.'

For a moment it went quiet but it didn't take long before the girls were talking on full speed again. When it was time for Tilly to go home she informed the brunette with the news she had been hiding a the time since she got there. Tomorrow, Sunday Tilly wouldn't be able to come for a visit as she had to go to a family diner and party. Jen said she didn't mind but she felt terrible. The redhead's visit was something she looked forward to every day. The teenager knew Jen regretted it more then she was showing but she didn't say anything about it.

'I'll seen you soon yeah!' Tilly said before leaving and giving Jen another hug

'Yeah!' Enjoy your family party okay!'

'Hmm … I doubt I will'

'you should' Jen winked and then Tilly had to go

Later Liam came and he almost had thrown his sister in the air of excitement. He just had paid the money so Jen would get out on Monday. He really was happy that he could help her. He told his sister about how he was preparing her room already. Installing a bed and a little cupboard. Jen was proud of her brother for helping him. Unfortunately Liam couldn't be there to get the brunette when she was getting out but he told her to hide a key behind the painting in the hallway so she could get inside and make it herself comfortable. The brother really felt bad for not being able to pick her up on Monday but it was due to work and he couldn't get out of it. Now he had his own apartment he had bills that had to be paid and they wouldn't pay themselves so work he had to go to.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks for the reviews, keep them coming! :D As well as idea's, inspire me! Enjoy reading!

Today was the day! D-day for Jen! Today, within a few hours she would get her freedom back, she was going to be released from jail. No more bars in front of her window, no more wake up calls, no more yelling at night, no … that would be all gone now.

'Follow me please, someone is already waiting for you.' The guard said while leading Jen away

What Liam managed to get away from work, the brunette thought to herself.

'You can wait here in the visitors room for a minute, your friend is already waiting inside.' Informed the men before excusing himself to grab Jen's personal belongings.

Jen went inside to her brother but stood still as soon as she opened the door. This wasn't her brother at all who was waiting for her! 'Tilly!' the brunette spoke surprised to see the redhead there

'Hey' Tilly replied smiling 'congratulations!'

'Thanks, it's all thanks to you I'm getting out!' spoke the brunette thankful

'come here!' Said the teenager before running to Jen and hugging her tight, even tighter then she did during her visits before.

'Thank you so much, you shouldn't have come… . You should be in school you know!' Jen reminded the girl.

'nope, I shouldn't cause I'm not feeling well. I think I ate something wrong on that family dinner yesterday so I got the day to rest.' Smiled tilly in a cheeky way

Of course the brunette knew Tilly was lying and was just being ill so she could be here for her. 'oi you! … You shouldn't have done that!'

'I wanted too, couldn't let you walk out here alone! Liam told me he had to work so…'

'Thank you Tilly!' Jen genuinely spoke thankful

The same guard who had guided Jen there interrupted. He brought the personal belonging from in Jen's cell and the things she handed in when she arrived here. In a little bag were Jen's bracelets, her keys, her wallet, her rings and then 2 notebooks that Jen had been writing in during her lock up. The redhead carried the bag for Jen and then they walked out together. When the door behind them was closed a weight felt off Jen's shoulders. The fresh air she felt onto her skin, in her longs, it was like she just got born. Taking her first breath experiencing how life feels like for the first time. Even though she had been living before, coming out that prison felt weird, in a good way. The redhead saw Jen looking weird and knew this must be kind of hard for her to deal with. Regaining her freedom, regaining life. Being able to see, feel, smell, hear the world again. The young adult took Jen's hand squeezed it and saw the doubtfull look into her friend's eye.

'you gonna be okay' the redhead wishpered and pulled Jen closer for a hug.

Tilly had arranged a taxi to bring them back into town. The just released women gave the driver her brother's address cause she wasn't in the mood to face anyone in the village yet, she just wanted a quiet day in. During that ride there weren't many words exchanged, in silence they enjoyed the music that was playing. Jen didn't really want to talk about how it had been inside that little prison cell and certainly notin front of strange men.

When the driver pulled off outside the building Tilly paid him. The brunette hadn't any money with her that's why she couldn't and she felt awful about it. To make up for it she invited Tilly in, hoping Liam would have something to drink inside. It was an offer the redhead secretly hoped for and now Jen did she couldn't refuse that. The building was a bit old but it wasn't in a bad state, the owner clearly took care of it and it seemed like they were busy working on some restorations. There was no elevator but Liam's flat was on the third floor so it wasn't that bad. Beside taking the stairs is healthy right, Liam sure didn't mind a bit that was something Jen knew for sure. It would be weird if he did right, he goes to the gym like everyday… .

'The key should be here somewhere' spoke Jen looking behind a painting on the wall 'Oh here it is!' She opened the door and invited Tilly in.


	10. Chapter 10

Thank you all so much for your nice comments Keep them coming. Tips for improvements, idea's are welcome as well ;)  
To the guest revieuw about the song 'read all about it', I really love that song so thanks for the tip i might just try to use it in one way or another!  
I'll update as soon as possible, probably this weekend ;) i keep writing whenever i got some time!

Enjoy reading and thank you all!

Both girls were surprised by how clean the apartment looked. Liam clearly had done some effort. There was a banner spread in the living area with 'welcome home' on it and on the table stood a bottle of champagne with a card next to it.

'Welcome home sis! Sorry I ain't here, put this is the fridge already and we'll celebrate when I get home! Love you! Your brother Liam x'

Reading that card tears filled the brunettes eyes. She never had expected this of Liam.

Tilly saw the tears and knew they were of happiness but they reminded her of how hard this was and would get for Jen.

'Hey' the redhead said walking closer to her and started rubbing her back. 'shhhh, you here now, it's gonna be okay…' Said tilly to comfort the brunette

'Oh Liam he … It's just …. I …' snubbed Jen

'I know ….' Softly spoke tilly and put her arms around her former teacher 'come here'

Jen turned around and pulled Tilly close to her, she needed this a real good comforting hug.

'Thanks, I needed that!' Jen said as she pulled away a bit but still held the redhead

'anytime' replied tilly wiping away the tears on jen's face. Looking intensely the hazles eyes, almost like she was getting lost in them

'erm do you want something to drink?' asked Jen letting go of tilly to fight the urge inside her that wanted to ...

This brought the teenager out her trance 'yeah sure erm … but you should keep that for with liam..' answered the girl a bit confused

'I'll put this in the fridge, so what do you want?' asked the brunette while walking toward the fridge and putting the bottle inside 'We got beer, beer, wine, orange juicy, diet coke and that's about it.'

'Orange juice is fine, thanks!'

'okay, erm .. it's a bit weird saying this considering this ain't really my place but please make it yourself at home' Jen said pointing out the couch before she looked in a few cupboards before finding the glasses, taking two out and filling them with orange juice.

A minute later Jen joined Tilly handing her over one of the two drinks. 'Here you go'

'Thanks, let's make a toast on … on you being back'

'and on you for your help, for everything' smiled Jen sweet

The girls toasted and then both laughed at the same time not really knowing exactly why. They put their glasses down on the table in front of them.

'So how do you feel now?'

'Really good!? It's a lot better here compared to my latest room you know!'

'yeah… .' weakly smiled Tilly wanting to know what is going to the brunette's mind right now as she seemed to be deep in thoughts. The redhead moved a stroke of the Jen's hair behind her ear.

It made the brunette look up and face Tilly. Looking straight in each others eyes, hearing their breathing, both being nervous as hell.

'Jen, I …' began Tilly slightly moving her head closer

Jen's heart was beating out of control but outside she remained calm, she knew what was about to happen, she longed for it so badly!

The front of their heads touched, their lips were only about 2 inches apart from each other. Both the girls were freaking out all they wanted to do was close that small gap between their lips.


	11. Chapter 11

_The front of their heads touched, their lips were only about 2 inches apart from each other. Both the girls were freaking out all they wanted to do was close that small gap between their lips._

But Jen couldn't , she couldn't allow herself to do so.

When the front of their head had touched and Tilly slowly started to lean forward, that's when Jen moved away. Both of them knew what would have happened if Jen hadn't taken a step back, both of them had wanted it to happen, they wanted it more then anything in the world but it was to late now.

'Erm is it okay if I take a quick shower I haven't since well … ' spoke Jen nervous as hell, almost not able to speak clearly

'Yeah sure no problem … maybe I better go then' said Tilly a bit embarrassed, not sure if she should stay or if Jen still wanted her to stay after what just happened.

Jen didn't want tilly to go, she did but she didn't. She wanted the temptation, the attraction towards the redhead to go away but she wanted the company of the girl to stay. All she didn't needed right now was to be alone but neither did she wanted to end up losing her self-control over this girl.

'I didn't meant to make you go, … you can stay … I mean you can watch some tv whilst I'm gone … but if you wanna go, that's fine too. You don't have to, … I mean oh daim it … Just it's…' The brunette spoke confused. It was difficult to explain what she meant clearly.

'Calm down, I'll stay if you sure you don't mind' tilly answered saving the brunette from suffering

'yes, … No I mean no I don't mind, … stay!' spoke Jen rambling

'okay, now you go jump into that shower!' commanded the redhead.

Jen left the room entangled and opened a door which had her name written on a paper hanged on it. So this was her room. Small but bigger than expected. It had a bed that was a bit bigger than a single but a bit smaller than a double. Next tot the bed there was a little commode. Jen took a look but it was empty. Then she spotted the suitcase in the corner. When she opened it she discovered all her cloths, well most of them. So Dianne already had given these to Liam. But good cause she needed some fresh clothes right now. Jen searched out something comfortable to wear and headed to the shower.

**It's quite short but i'll try to upload another chapter later today. Hope you enjoyed reading. **

**If you got any questions for me or something, you can reach me on or via /writingsomestuff**

**Or one twitter: /writingsomestuf**


	12. Chapter 12

**If you got any questions for me or something, you can reach me on or via /writingsomestuff**

**Or one twitter: /writingsomestuf**

**Have fun reading! **

While Jen's is in the bathroom Tilly switches on the tv but there wasn't really anything interesting airing right now. Her eyes felt on the to notebooks in the bag with Jen's personal belongings. The girl was quite curious about what's inside them. She thought they were just sketch books and so she decided to have a quick look. When she opened them at some random page she saw nothing but writings and without wanting to read any of it, she saw her name in the middle of them. As in a sort of automatic reaction she started reading starting at her name. Tilly smiled as she read her visit had made Jen so happy. When the teenager read a few pages back she could read how Jen had felt when they had bumped into Esther at the folly that drastic night. She couldn't believe what she read. None of this she knew, she hadn't had a clue how Jen had felt. After reading a few more different pages Tilly noticed the water had stopped running and placed to notebooks back in the bag. She sat herself down in front of the telly and stared blank in front of her. Kind of shocked about what she just found out. What did she had to do with this? Wouldn't Jen be mad on her for reading them?

It had been about half an hour later that Jen had been gone. A shower and a little bursting out of tears underneath the water running down on her, before Jen walked back in the living room. Thinking it wouldn't show that she had been crying cause she just showered but Tilly did noticed. She knows the brunette too well!

'You okay?' she asked concerned and pushing away the subject of the notebooks

'Yeah, I'm fine' answered Jen lowering herself down next to tilly

'Why have you been crying then?' asked the redhead

'I haven't' Jen lied

'Don't lie to me, I can see you have!'

'I'm okay though.' Answered Jen to shrug any more questions off

The brunette however didn't sound okay neither did she look that way. In fact she just sat there looking down to her hands which where resting on her lap.

'Jen …' whispered tilly almost not hearable

But Jen did hear the redhead call out her name and turned her head, carefully looking up facing the redhead. Then it happened again, the eye thing. The tension between them almost is causing real sparks. The desire for each others touch. Their breathing and heartbeats on full speed but apart from that it was dead silence in the room.


	13. Chapter 13

Hello everyone. Thanks again for all your kind comments, if I could I would thank you all one by one. The chapter is again not that big but I've been working on something new again which you'll find out more about soon.

Beside this you can reach me on twitter at 'writingsomestuf' or 'ask. fm/writingsomestuff', if you want a reaction/ reply back.

ENJOY READING :D

Again Tilly moved her head towards Jen's. The brunette was about to move any second now as she felt the front of tilly's head against hers. She felt Tilly's warm breath on her lips, making her feel numb. All she could do was close her eyes … and within a fraction of a second their lips gently touched each other. Softly, carefully Tilly kissed the lips of the girl who she still was in love with, the lips she was desparted to taste … and then she could feel them kissing hers back.

Tilly felt like she was in heaven, for both of them it felt that way. That kiss felt so good so right but yet Jen started to think it wasn't and so she pulled back saying she's sorry. Cause she was sorry, sorry for pulling away, she wanted to kiss Tilly again and again and again, all day long. Her heart was telling her to kiss her again, but her mind told her to stop and Jen being insecure and afraid she did stop, with tears in her eyes.

'Jen it's okay', tilly said softly. Loving the kiss she just shared, realizing their situation is now even more complicated then it even had been before but at the same time the redhead was filled with hope that their might be light on the end of the tunnel.

'I can't tilly I can't, I'm sorry I really wa…' snobbed Jen

'Shhh it's fine … we'll be fine' answered Tilly squeezing the brunette hand and softly brushing over her leg.

The brunette sat there crying in Tilly's arms and felt how that girl she never wanted to lose again was going away but she was trying to comfort her. Tilly wasn't scared, she was so confident and that was one thing Jen admired about her.

The redhead threw her arms around Jen' and pulled her closer to her, resting her head onto her chest while stroking her head so she would calm down again. Just like that, without saying anything they sat there. Enjoying the silence, enjoying each others touch. This moment hadn't anything to do with sex but still it felt so intimate and both the girls enjoyed this simple touch.

During the silence Tilly's mind kept going on about what she read in those notebooks. It had clarified so much for the teenage girl. Things she didn't understood before got answered, things she never even thought about now made sence. She had to bring this up at some point so why waist any time to do so? How longer she waited how harder it would get right? So when Jen had calmed down after being laid on Tilly's chest for about an hour, Tilly broke the silence.

'Jen …' she started and continued as the brunette indicated she was listening 'I've got to confess something … but you have to promise me not to be mad'

'Okay, I won't … I promise' answered Jen who was starting to get worried, scared about the thing this girl she was still in love with was going to tell her.

'I … I… ' Stumbled Tilly and then flapped it out in one breath 'I accidently read in your notebooks…'


	14. Chapter 14

Been struggling with this chapter a bit but this is what I've made of it! Stay tuned cause this weekend I'll upload a new Jelly fan fiction. Still searching for a title though, suggestions are welcome.

ENJOY :D

'You what ..!' Yelled the brunette jumping up from her seat. Her face was shocked, maybe slightly angry, surely scared what part she exactly had written.

'Sorry, I thought It were some sketches but it wasn't and I wanted to close it but I saw my name and … sorry' apologized the redhead jumping from her seat too

… jen didn't say a thing. She knew what was written inside them, it was all very personal and honest. The brunette didn't know what to say or do, she couldn't be mad at Tilly but neither did she liked that now she knew what was all going on inside her head. It was really personal. Right now she felt stupid for writing this stuff down at the first place but when she was locked it had felt good to get it out. Out as in out of her head not out for anyone else to read.

Tilly saw the way Jen looked which was not good. 'Jen it's okay you know, those things you've written are honest right?'

'Yeah, they were never meant for anyone to read though' answered Jen

'I've never meant to read it , honestly, it kind of happen accidently but Jen what I'm trying to say is that … you know these things you've written .. it's your side of the story .. and … they do explain a lot.' Spoke tilly in a attempt to explain her thoughts about these writings

'But it doesn't make any difference … Tilly don't you see… why do you still even care … you should be blaming me like everyone else .. it's all me who is to blame!' Spoke the brunette almost bursting out in tears.

'Jen haven't you read what you've written! It isn't your fault none of all those things that happened is your fault. It's all just bad timing and sh*t circumstance!

These things they, well they prove it. How much hurt there was caused. For me, you ending things hurt me and you saw it but … what I've never realized and what I know now is how much it affected you too, how much you suffered by it all too. But Jen they don't only prove the hurt. The notebooks captured something else something that isn't written in them but something you discover by reading them attentively… . The only thing else which these notebooks prove, is the love you feel for me inside there … (pointing at Jen's heart)'

By this time jen complete shrunken, she couldn't look at Tilly. The brunette's eyes were swollen and she was shaking. Shaking because she knew this girl knew now knew exactly how she felt and had felt, it made her feel kind of vulnerable.

'Jen … please look at me' whispered Tilly.

But Jen only lifted her head slightly, so the redhead lifted it up further. Forcing Jen to look at her.

The former teacher really didn't see why tilly still cared. She had kissed her but why? Tilly couldn't possibly still love her right? After all the things she's been through the last year! The bus crash that took away three of her friends. Then almost losing another friend, esther, who tried to kill herself. All the things Jen put her through, bailing on a get a away. Ending things, more then once. What did the redhead still see in her, Jen wondered. With all those thoughts, memories of everything that happened in her life, a feeling of guilt overwhelmed the brunette. She tried her best to hold back the tears that had been building up but now while looking into tilly's eyes, she couldn't hold back those tears behind her eyes no longer and the first of many tears rolled down of Jen's face, followed by another one and another … .

Seeing Jen cry and not knowing what to do or say to make her stop was hard to handle for the teenager.

The brunette vail through her knee onto the ground, leaning her head against the sofa Tilly sat herself down next to her. Moving closer and gently stroke the top of Jen's head.

As she felt Tilly's touch Jen started to cry out apologies to the redhead 'I'm so sorry, Tilly, oh I'm so sorry, I really am! I'm such a failure I know that, Tilly I'm so sorry …'

'shhhh' hushed the redhead 'shhh'

Jen lifted her head, she looked at Tilly but seeing her only made her feel more guilty. 'Why are ..' began Jen, wanting to ask why tilly still cared about her.

Before the former teacher could finish tilly placed her index finger onto Jen's lips 'shhhh' she spoke again. Looking her straight in the eyes, seeing how low the brunette felt of herself. Wanting her to be strong and fight her inner demons who are bringing her down, to love live again, to love herself again. Not to go back to the feelings she must have felt like years ago when people where hating on her. Jen needed to embrace herself! Tilly placed her hands on either sides of Jen's face, wiped away Jen's tears with her thumbs and then kissed her short but hard. Holding the brunette's head firmly between her hands, not giving her a chance to pull away and kissing her again.


	15. Chapter 15

Enjoy reading :D

Taken by surprise jen stumbled 'what .. why' but Tilly wanted her to stop thinking so she kissed her again and again. She didn't mind kissing the brunette, in fact she loved it, she loved her and she hoped these kisses would make that clear. As she kissed her one last time she added the three words to make sure Jen did knew how she felt about her.

'I love you!'

Tears had gone dry by the kisses she had gotten from Tilly. Those little kisses touched through Jen's body, to deep in her heart. 'why' burbled the brunette

'Why!?' repeated Tilly wonderingly why the brunette hadn't got it yet. 'Because … Jen, everything you've written in there. You have no idea how a lovely person you are!' started tilly 'okay maybe sometimes you do stupid things' continued the redhead making sure this came over in a teasing way. 'but jen everyone makes mistakes! That's something human. You know when I read that part you've written about me, about the visit, about the hug I gave you then. It's exactly how I felt at that very moment too. Just like I first saw you, just like you kissed me for the first time, just like I feel right now Jen. And I know you feel it to. Stop fighting that feeling but fight with me against this judging society who doesn't has a clue about how we feel, they don't know anything about love!'

Jen looked as if she was about to burst out again any minutes. Her lower lip was shaking.

'Please Jen do it for me, for us. I can't stand seeing you like this, I won't allow for you to feel like you ain't worth a thing, cause you are worth a million. No, you are worth a lot more to me and I won't let you down. Jen, I am gonna fight for you! Say something please. Don't you dare to just give up like that! We're not done yet, this is just our beginning. We are gonna stand up against everyone who stands in our way and we …'

'Tilly, I … ' spoke Jen finally, interrupting the redhead

'Don't give up Jen… ' Added Tilly as she saw the worried look on Jen's face

The brunette shook her head. 'I won't but … I don't know if … if I can … I mean'

'yes you can!' spoke tilly convincing

'I don't deserve you tilly'

'maybe, but I really need you in order to live' answered Tilly cheesy to light up the sphere a bit.

'you don't need me'

'yes I do' tilly said, wrapping her arms around Jen

The redhead kissed the lips she loved to kiss and Jen let tilly take care of her, she needed it. The day had only reached noon and yet she already was run out of energy. It had been an emotional day. Getting back her freedom, tilly kissing her, tilly discovering the inside of her brain, tilly fighting for her.

A few minutes they sat in each other arms when jen could feel herself fall asleep.

'I'm so tired'

'ooh, … you should probably better get some sleep.'

'hmm'

'I'll go, so you can crawl in bed' said Tilly kissing Jen's forehead as she stood up, getting ready to leave so Jen could get some rest.

The brunette face dropped a bit, she didn't want tilly to leave. Watching Tilly walk to the door she called out the girls name to stop her. 'Tilly! …'

'yeah?'

'Would you mind staying a bit longer?'

Tilly smiled, I got a few more minutes. Come on let's get you to bed' she spoke walking over to the girl she loved, helping her to get to her room.

She tucked Jen under who closed her eyes immediately. Thinking she already was asleep tilly kissed the brunette's lips and turned around to tip-toe her way out. But as she did a hand grabbed her arm. Jen was half asleep or maybe completely but this made clear not even the tiniest piece inside of Jen wanted Tilly to go. The student had thought about suggesting to stay earlier but she thought it would be better if she didn't considering the fact Jen might be not completely be ready.

When Tilly crawled in bed, Jen immediately cuddled up against her. Whispering in tilly's ear 'thank you, I couldn't have fallen asleep without you here!'

'it's okay, shhh go back to sleep' sweetly whispered the redhead back

Jen was really tired and could instantly fall asleep but not before she spoke the words that had been on her mind for some time but she had fought to speak them out loud. She was done fighting against and ready to fight for so she spoke the words with the last bit of energy she still had. 'Tilly, … I … I really love you!'

This took tilly by surprise. She knew Jen meant what she said and was glad she finally told her how she felt. Tilly had known it all along and couldn't be more happy. 'Good, cause I love you' replied the redhead and kisses the love of her life softly. About a minute later Jen did fall asleep and it didn't take long for Tilly to join the girl next to her in the land of dreams, both with a smile on their face.


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks for the reviews!

ENJOY!

The girls were sleeping for about an hour when Liam came home. He expected to see Jen as he walks in but she wasn't. Liam noticed his sister did had seen her card and bottle of champagne so he knew she already had been home. The brother knocked on the door of Jen's room but there was no answer. As the possibility of her being asleep crossed his mind he opened the door and was slightly shocked to see his sister cuddled up in bed with Tilly. He knew they got along great again and that Tilly had been the main reason why Jen was out but to see them in bed together wasn't something he expected. Liam didn't understand but thought they looked lovely together. He quietly closed the door and let them sleep, knowing Jen must be tired and they would just talk later about it all.

Liam switched on the tv and watched football. Cheering along when his team scored, the brother was clearly forgetting his sister and Tilly were sleeping in the room behind him. The game only was on for about half an hour when the redhead woke up. At first she was kind of confused about the place she was at but when she saw Jen laying so close to her, looking really cute, she remembered. She smiled thinking about the things that happened before they went to sleep, the last words Jen had said to her. Tilly now repeated them, whispering 'I love you' into her ear and kissing the front of her head. Then she slipped out of bed cause she had to use the bathroom. Quietly she walked out of the room to make her way to the bathroom. Opening the door it made a cracking sound and suddenly there was a loud scream. Tilly opened the door more and saw Liam yelling at the tv. The other team had scored, much to Liam's annoyance. The redhead walked outside, closing the door and causing the cracking sound again. Liam heard this and turned around.

'Oh Tilly …' He stated

'Erm yeah… ' she answered not really sure what to say. Tilly had no idea what Liam was thinking and how he would react on seeing her coming out Jen's room.

'I didn't wake you did i? Liam just asked

'No , well maybe if you've been screaming like this all the time.' Answered Tilly. _Wait a second Liam knew she was there? He knew she had been sleeping? _

'Oh sorry about that! Tilly …' The brother apologized and wanted to ask something.

'Just need to use the bathroom' interrupted the redhead avoiding whatever Liam was about to say and making her way out of the living room.

When Tilly got back it seemed like Liam was sat there waiting for her. It was clearly like that cause he even had the television on mute.

'Tilly … I think we need to talk' spoke Liam when she saw Tilly re-entering the living room

The redhead didn't really know what to say

'Look I am really thankful for what you did, I mean getting Jen out and bringing me back into her life' started the brother

This kind of relieved Tilly she thought he was going to send her away or something.

'but …' Liam continued

_Oh no, now it comes, the redhead thought to herself._

'you know, … well I think it's better you let Jen …

The redhead knew where he was going with this and so she stopped him before he got the chance to finish his words 'Liam stop right there… don't tell me to let her alone!' spoke Tilly raising her voice

It cause Jen to wake up, she was about to open the door but when she heard her name she stopped and listened what they where saying about her. The brunette quickly recognized Tilly's voice and later her brothers.

'Jen needs me right now and I am not going to let her alone.' Continued the redhead getting frustrated at the thought of Liam even daring to suggest to leave Jen alone. 'These last weeks where like a rollercoaster ride of feelings and emotions. I thought you understood how hard this was on your sister but clearly you don't!'

'Tilly I never meant to I just .. you know, I'm here for her now and you shouldn't just give up on your onw life for Jen? And especially not with all the things that have been going on these last weeks… You got school, friends, family and … spending your time here only will cause trouble'

'Just leave it Liam! I'm going back in there with Jen and don't you even dare to bring this up again okay. Jen is the only one I care about!'

Jen didn't know what to do. This conversation she just overheard messed with her head. Just when she thought she had it figured out things got confusing again. She loved the fact Tilly wasn't just giving up on her but at the same time she understood Liam's point. The redhead was like giving up everything just for her. She heard Tilly's footsteps coming closer so the brunette ran to the bed and dived in it. Pretending to be asleep when Tilly came in.


	17. Chapter 17

It's been a while, since I updated my other story already it was time for the next chapter to this one. Hope you like it. Let me no if you do or don't and why that is so. ENJOY!

(Ending previous chap)  
_'Jen needs me right now and I am not going to let her alone.' Continued the redhead getting frustrated at the thought of Liam even daring to suggest to leave Jen alone. 'These last weeks where like a rollercoaster ride of feelings and emotions. I thought you understood how hard this was on your sister but clearly you don't!'_

'_Tilly I never meant to I just .. you know, I'm here for her now and you shouldn't just give up on your onw life for Jen? And especially not with all the things that have been going on these last weeks… You got school, friends, family and … spending your time here only will cause trouble'_

'_Just leave it Liam! I'm going back in there with Jen and don't you even dare to bring this up again okay. Jen is the only one I care about!'_

_Jen didn't know what to do. This conversation she just overheard messed with her head. Just when she thought she had it figured out things got confusing again. She loved the fact Tilly wasn't just giving up on her but at the same time she understood Liam's point. The redhead was like giving up everything just for her. She heard Tilly's footsteps coming closer so the brunette ran to the bed and dived in it. Pretending to be asleep when Tilly came in._

Chapter 17

Later that night eating together the three of them had dinner together but after Jen and Tilly cleaned everything up Tilly had to go home. During diner everyone acted like nothing happened while all three of them couldn't take their mind of the conversation between TIlly and Liam.

_Liam was headstrong, he couldn't understand why Tilly was doing what she was doing. He was more scared what the consequences might be when people found out. The fear of losing his sister again made rise up some sort of protecting mechanism inside him. _

_With the redhead it was her love she felt for Jen that was driving her to protect her, to be there for her in good days and in worse. Determined like Tilly was, she wasn't going to let anyone or anything come between her and Jen again. _

_Feeling strapped between two sides, two feelings, Jen's mind started to get lost in a never-ending trail of thoughts. Right now they were all sitting at the table pretending to get along fine, pretending that everything is okay when it wasn't. Jen didn't know what to do and the more she thought about it the more confused she got. She did love Tilly for sure but wasn't her brother right? And after everything that had happened between the two of them, how could they this time …._

While the two girls had been washing the dishes Liam had made it himself comfortable in front of the telly again. Completely focus on whatever what was airing and ignoring the two lovers. However that's how it seemed cause he hadn't said a word since diner but when tilly left he asked Jen to join him on the couch.

'How are you feeling?' he asked.

'Glad to be here' answered Jen short as her mind was still wandering around about the conversation she overheard earlier and had made her losing her mind.

'I am glad you're back too. So glad. I really couldn't cope losing you again Jen.' Said Liam wanting to start a certain subject.

'Oh wouldn't pour Liam survive without me in this bag bad world?' joked Jen, knowing which direction her brother was going so trying to brush it off.

'You're my sister and it's not just about not having you around, I don't want to see you get hurt again either' spoke Liam honestly meaning every word he said.

The brunette didn't how to reply, she didn't want to get into that subject right now. She already had enough trouble with trying her best to keep head from exploding so she wasn't let Liam mess with some more.

'I know, … I am tired so I'm going to bed. Goodnight Liam.' Eventually answered Jen after a minute of silence?

Once in her room she crawled in bed trying to sleep but she couldn't. Her eyes felt on the notebooks she had been writing in when she was locked up. Jen got up, put on the night light and sat herself down on the ground with her back resting against the bed. Reading through them didn't actually make it easier for her mind to find some peace. It only made it worse. Jen was overwhelmed with feelings, all different kind of feelings. Them all together felt kind of suffocation, it was becoming a bit to much. Like she was going to choke on her own thoughts whom where overheating her brain.

She needed air, right now. Fresh air. Clean air. Empty thoughts air. This was it, she needed to go. Away from that room. Away from Liam. Away from Tilly. Away from Hollyoaks. Away from everyone.

It had became some time early in the morning. Jen couldn't stay any longer. She packed a small bag with some cloths, ran to her car and then just focused on one thing. Drive and drive and drive, the further away the better. In search for the air to breathe and the space to clear her head.


	18. Chapter 18

ENJOY READING :D

The sky became brighter by the sun rising. That together with the annoying tone of an alarm clock woke Tilly up. Today she had to go back to school, which meant getting up early and all day long no seeing Jen. It was pretty tempting to skip school and instead to just visit her girlfriend but with 'the Liam conversation' still fresh in her memory Tilly thought it was better to be a good girl and go to school.

However not seeing Jen didn't had to mean not hearing her. So the first thing Tilly wanted to do when she dragged herself out of bed, was calling her girlfriend. Just when the redhead was about to press call she changed her mind. Thinking Jen would probably be still asleep Tilly texted her a good morning instead. Asking her to call when she was awake. Next the redhead jumped under the shower, had some toast, brushed her teeth and left in a hurry for school.

Meanwhile Liam had woken up as well, he saw Jen's bedroom door was open on a small gab so he peeked and found an empty room. He kind of find it strange but then thought it isn't that weird that Jen was gone early, she probably was away to watch the sunrise or on a morning walk or something like she used to do. Liam took this as a good sign, thinking Jen isn't doing so bad as he thought she would be after all.

In class the redhead waited impatiently for a call or at least a reply beck from Jen. The clock turned 11 a.m. and yet she hadn't received any sign from her girlfriend. This was kind of starting to annoy the student. Normally Jen never slept longer then 9:30 and now it was already 11 a.m. but maybe Jen didn't wanted to disturb Tilly while she was in class.

The brunette sat down in the same position for about 30 minutes before getting up again. The only reason for her to get up was to keep herself moving in order to avoid herself from getting too cold. Jen was at some beach, completely alone and there was a strong wind. Alternately some light showers accompanied it. The sound of the waves made the former teacher calm down, it worked relaxing for her. Concentrating on that sound Jen succeeded to empty her mind for the period of time when focus on the waves. After a while the relaxing sound faded and Jen got more and more distracted by other things. A bird, some garbage on the beach, a little lobster, … . All those little things brought the brunette's brain back to overdrive. It happened all slowly, hundreds of thoughts one by one filling her brain. Until there was no more room left, her mind just had enough and couldn't handle it anymore. Jen couldn't take it, it was driving her insane. All those feelings mixed up, without seeing the clear path like she was lost inside her own world. Jen just burst out crying and dropped down onto the sand. She tried her best to focus on the sound of the ocean waves going back and forth but it was impossible, thoughts had taken over.

Finally it was noon. The first thing tilly did when the bell rang was checking her phone. Much to her disappointment she still hadn't received any type of message from Jen. The student wasn't going to wait any longer to her girlfriends so she called the brunette herself. Listening how the phone is ringing, desperately waiting for Jen to pick up but only to hear a automatic voicemail message. Tilly tried again, hoping Jen just missed her call in a fraction of a second but again there was no answer. The redhead didn't understand, laws she mad or something? _Last night Jen seemed to be okay so why would she be mad now? Maybe she just didn't wanted to be a distraction? But it's lunch break so she should know that. Maybe Liam spoke with her. Or maybe she's just for a walk? She could be cooking and forgot her phone in her room? _Tilly really didn't know what to think of this, she definitely was going to see Jen after school to clear this all out. For the rest of the break Tilly never lost her phone out of sight.

Tilly couldn't wait any second longer, as fast as she could she made her way to Liam's apartment when school was over. Liam only arrived home half an hour before. He didn't really ask himself any questions when he saw Jen wasn't there. When he heard a loud knock on the door he went to open it. In front of him now stood Tilly with a worried look on her face.

'Is Jen here?' the redhead asked filled with hope the answer would be yes

'nope, not last time I checked.' Answered Liam sounding like a jerk

'well do you know where she is then?'

'not really. Why what the problem. Don't tell me you two are fighting!?'

'No we haven't! You sure you don't know where she is? Like didn't she tell you where she was going today?'

'Calm down what's it with all the questions anyway? She is a grown women you know!'

'Liam, I texted and called her all day but she didn't answer me …' Tilly said while the worst thoughts were floating through her mind.

'well maybe she realized that 'her and you' aren't going to work out and doesn't she want to see you.'

'What!? Did you speak to her about that last night? Oh never mind, didn't she tell you this morning if she was going somewhere or maybe she left a note?'

'Jen was already gone when I got up and no I haven't found a note' Liam replied annoyed with the questioning

'Wait what, now you're telling me she wasn't home all day and you ain't worried?' Questioned Tilly not understanding how Liam could be so relaxed over all this.

'Just call her if you need her okay' Told the brother, playing it cool

'I already told you I did but it always goes to voicemail!'

'Well like I already said, maybe she doesn't want to speak to you' answered Liam mean

'You call her then, come on. Take your phone and call her' demanded the redhead

Liam called but again Jen didn't answer, which Liam found strange and finally started to get worried a bit. He didn't want to show this feeling of worry to Tilly so without saying anything he just called her again. But when his sister didn't answered her phone again, he was getting more and more worried. He knew he had spoken about "the whole thing" with Jen last night and that it had kind of pissed her off. Jen leaving all day long without saying anything, not picking up her phone that wasn't typical Jen.

'Where the hell is she?' said Liam unaware he was speaking this worry out loud.

Liam went back inside, leaving the door open and checked the kitchen counter. When Tilly saw him checking everything for a note she walked to Jen's bedroom.

Only a few seconds later she returned in the living area saying 'No note in there but I think she packed a bag, her notebooks are gone and some of her sketching materials are gone too.'

'Do you have any idea where she might went?' asked Liam

'No do you?' said Tilly returning the question


	19. Chapter 19

_Okay it's been a while, exams do keep me busy. I miss writing more though. SO here's a chap, I'm really tired right now so it isn't much. I still got some bits and pieces but I still need to work on them unless you want to read a chapter written in a mix of bad English and Dutch._

_I do got a question too, what is the difference between defiantly and definitely_?

_Enjoy!_

Liam and Tilly started a search on their own. It was not like they could ask people to help cause they probably wouldn't help and they had not idea Jen was out of jail. Every place they thought Jen could be, there they went. Tilly kept calling Jen but she never picked up her phone. It was getting late and the more minutes that ticked away, the more worried TIlly and Liam got.

Jen unaware of what she is causing to her brother and girlfriends had been crying, walking, running, sitting, sketching and most important thinking. That's what she had been doing alternately, all day long. She was sitting about a meter away from the edge of a cliff, just drawing. Before she wanted to go back Jen wanted to finish her drawing but to do so she needed another pencil. Searching her trough her bag for a darker one, the brunette's eyes noticed something lighting in her bag. Jen moved away some papers and saw it was her phone. It was ringing but there wasn't any ringtone hearable because Jen had her phone switched on silent mode. Seeing Tilly's name on the screen she picked up'

'Hello'

'Jen, omg, Jen, finally, Jen, oh I'm so glad to hear your voice!' Tilly spok, starting to cry when she heard Jen's voice

Hearing Tilly so scared, it suddenly made Jen realize she hadn't let anyone know where she was and when she was going to be back. Actually she couldn't have cause she hadn't had no idea herself when she left.

'Don't cry, hey, don't cry..' Softly spoke the brunette, trying to calm Tilly down a bit cause she didn't like it when she cried and definitely not when she knew she was the reason for those tears.

'Where are you?' asked Tilly drying her tears but still snobbing a bit.

'At the cliffs' jen answered

This made tilly think the worse and made her burst out in tears again.

Jen then realized what tilly must be thinking with that answer and felt stupid. 'I am just sketching … I'm okay.'

'I'm so glad to hear you .. I thought … I … you'

'I'm sorry tilly …'

'please come back, need to see you … I need to see you're okay'

'Would you mind going into the city, meet there?

'Yeah, yeah okay, … when?'

'Well if I leave now and so do you then I think we'll arrive about the same time.'

'Okay, hurry … or no, no don't … well be careful'

Jen smiled at the way the redhead cared about her

'I will, you too okay! I lo- … I'll see you soon!

Tilly didn't waste any second and took the bus into the city. Traffic was busy but still she was the first to arrive. The redhead texted she would be waiting at the park and a couple of minutes later she saw a blue jeep pull up. As she saw Jen get out of it, tilly ran towards her. It was like Jen was a soldier getting back after a long time of deployment from overseas. With the brunette in her arms tilly started crying again. She really had been so scared Jen would have done something to herself and having her in her arms now really felt good, glad she hadn't.

'Sorry I had you worried spoke' Jen calm, comforting the redhead who still was in tears.

'Why didn't you pick up?' asked tilly

'I was busy sketching …'

Jen dried Tilly's tears, kissed her cheek. 'You okay now?'

'yeah better' smiled tilly loving the kiss she just got

come on let's go for a walk!

Tilly nodded and linked arms with the girl she would die without


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you ****Lynsey13 for the explaining me the difference, it makes sense now. ;)**

**I've been busy trying to write this one for a while now, it's based on a review I got a quite some weeks ago now. . It did needed some building up though. So whoever who wrote it, thank you! I do know the song and I love it! Hope you like what I did with it :) even though it's been a while since you posted this. **

_**Review chapter 9: **_

"_**Guest: 'i diddn't know what to do or how to deal with it Even now deep down I still**_

_**live it. To think, I used to blame me, I wonder what I did to you to make you hate me'**_

_**Do you know that song? It's from Emili sandé ft professor green-Read All About It. Great song. Maybe you can use these sentences as inspiration if you like a challenge?"**_

**To every one of my readers if you have an idea or something, please share and I'll see what I can do with it. ;)**

**Enjoy the chapter.**

For a little end they just walked without saying anything. They had to talk about today they both knew it but what was the best way to start?

'How was school today?' asked Jen avoiding the subject that they were supposed to talk about.

Tilly didn't answer

Jen then stopped. 'hey, something happened?' asked the brunette concerned

'yeah something happened, I was worried all day, not hearing anything from you.'

'I'm sorry tilly, I just … I needed some time and space to think…'

'I get that but you could have let me know or at least answered my text and calls.'

'I know, I'm sorry .. I just didn't heard my phone was on mute all day long and I was busy sketching and thinking about what Liam said…

'what did he said' tilly asked concerned, worried it would be about the whole talk she had with him the other day.

'I think you already know …' answered Jen

Tilly didn't knew what to say at first … she wanted to know what Jen was thinking 'is that why you ran away?'

'Maybe'

'How do you mean'

'Well I've been thinking a day long, really thinking.'

'Jen don't .. I love you, I care about you and you don't influence my work on school or my social life with my friends and family … they are all busy with their own lives, with school with work and on school I still get high grades I might have scored a little less but that has nothing to do with you it's just a subject that doesn't interests me that much .. No one knows I've been seeing you, no one knows. I won't tell anyone… We'll hide, we've done it before, it doesn't matter as long as I have you.' Said tilly in like a sort of a speech, to fight for the women she loves, to make her clear that their love shouldn't be a problem.

The brunette just listened and didn't say anything, causing Tilly's eyes to water again and that made jen look down.

'Jen … please talk to me'

'Tilly, I'm so sick and tired of this all.' Quietly spoke Jen

Hearing the girl she was crazy about saying those words tilly burst out crying preparing herself for the words that were about to come.

'Oh no don't look like that. Don't think that! I could never! Cause i love you!' spoke jen trying to stop Tilly from crying. Today she hadn't the best day in her way with words.

'Tilly it's nothing like you're thinking. Today was so … mind freeing. I went out to the cliffs because it peacefull there, it's quiet, it's a place you can think without anyone bothering you. And i've been thinking a lot today the last couple of weeks..' started jen while wiping away the redheads tears and holding her hands tight in her own.

'It's been … well you know how it's been but yesterday was one of the most wonderful days in my life tilly. I can't believe it and i don't think i deserve it but i am so happy i got you back i really can't believe it. Never have i been so happy in my life ... I ...the things i've been through in the past ... I didn't know how to deal wit it.. I just tried to push it away, forget about it but ... How much i tried not to, i infact was still living it and maybe i still am, being scared, blaming me, myself … but you helped me so much tilly. You don't know how much you … helped me, let me see, get to me, make me realise it's not me who's the one to blame. i still wonder why they did what they did to me, what i did to make them hated me but ... Now ... Well ... I don't really care about it. You are like my light, my light to fight those shadows from the past that are still haunting me espacially these last weeks.' The brunette spoke in a rush and tears started to roll down her face, causing the same with tillly as well. At this moment jen was opening herself up, she was so honest and vunarable at the same time. Tilly couldn't speak she was to caught up in emotions with Jen's confession.

'Tilly it's you who's keeping me going and today i'm more sure then i've ever been to say this to you … Tilly i love you. You are my light when all else is dark and i'm not going to let anyone or anything come between us again. What Liam said … about people going to say stuff, i don't care anymore i wanna stop hiding you away!' said Jen kissing Tilly hard and telling her 'I love you so much tilly!' before kissing her again.

The kisses weren't exactly what you expect a kiss to be like but these one were filled with emotion but you could feel also just about how much Jen loved the girl she was kissing.

'Art is something to let out everything that's been building up in my mind and in my hear, i let it out on a sketchpad or a sketchpad. It used to be all really kind of dark but today all i could draw and think about was you tilly! I'm never letting you go! You have no idea how much you mean to me! I really love you!' finished Jen. The brunette tried to stop her tears while looking into Tilly's eyes wanting to kiss her again.

As Jen leans in Tilly pulls her head back but only because she needs to say something first. Words her heart are telling her to speak out loud and so she does. 'I really love you too, so much, I … i love you' Speaks the redhead and then does what Jen wanted to just before, kiss her girlfriend!


	21. Chapter 21

I know it's been a while and i know this one is really short … i didn't have much time to write lately so thanks for your patience. More is coming soon ;) just wanted to give you this in the meantime ;)

I missed you so much … i was so scared … i though …' quietly spoke the redhead as she woke up with jen in her arms. She afther the whole drame she stayed the night even though Liam wasn't really happy about it. There wasn't anything to do against it. Jen wanted it, no Jen needed it and that was why Liam eventually gave in for allowing tilly to stay over. He knew his sister needed to feel love and Tilly was the one she needed it from. Liam knew how much the redhead influenced his sister and after the whole situation and the girl's effort in Jens search he started to open up to the idea of them too.

Shhh, … i'm here. I won't leave you got me!' whispered Jen back which made Tilly smile

'I love you' Jen then added and the redhead's smile grow wider.

Tilly softly kissed her girlfriend and said the three words that described how she felt too back.

Nuzzling closere they laid down in bed for about the whole afternoon. Caring about each other, staring in each others eyes, sharing sweet soft kisses, … .

Last nigh had been emotional. The drive home had been quiet. Once at Liam's appartment, where Jen was staying the girls had trouble convincing Jen's brother fot Tilly to stay but he gave and. The two lover were worn out and immediatly went to Jen's small room. They threw some cloths of and crawled in bed, they were tired. For about half an hour they talked about what happend, about what they felt, what they feel before Jen had fallen asleep in her girlfriends arms. It had been a hell of a day.

Now a few hours later the brunette had woken up the same way as she went to sleep, in tilly's arms. The redhead already was awake and was hed been watching her girlfriend for about ten minutes. She looked so beautiful for Tilly, the teenager's heart was beating fast of the feelings she felt for this girl in front of her but at the same time wory overtook. They did had talked about it all but Tilly still was scared. And just as she spoke those words that revealed her fears the brunette had woken up and spoken the the words she needed to hear.


	22. Chapter 22

It had been a few months now jen and tilly were together, they kept it quiet though. If someone found out it could be negative for the outcome of Jen's trial and Liam was the one reminding the two girls of that fact, like almost everyday. He didn't made it the girls easy and set up a bunch of rules for them but now he started to chill more about it all. Almost no one knew about them. Only Jen's mom, George and obviously Liam.

The last couple of weeks had been amazing and fun. Almost everyday the two could meet up. Tilly always told her parent she was going to the library to study for her upcoming exams but instead she went to Liam's apartment to see Jen. The brunette didn't liked the fact Tilly lied to her parents but at this moment their wasn't really any other solution. Well there was, Tilly could just go to the library to study and then there wouldn't be any lying but as Liam was out at work the whole day she agreed for Tilly to come to her. On the condition it was to study and Jen didn't caused any distraction. The brunette feared a bit for the last part but it seemed like it worked quite well. While Tilly was studying Jen cooked or read a book or wrote a bit or sometimes she even helped her girlfriend with studying. Those study together parts were the funniest but also the hardest. Cause sometimes they let themselves get too carried away by each other. Jen was always the one who prevented letting things go to far. Which wasn't really easy and defiantly not with Tilly striving hard to get it her way. But then Jen reminded her if she studied hard now then she could take a evening off and they could have a date night and most of the time that worked.

Now the coming weeks those fun times were going to be replaced with a lot of stress, nerves and worries. Because this week was Jen's hearing. The closer it was coming now, the more uncomfortable Jen felt, like nights were she didn't close an eye but that was something she didn't tell the redhead. Jen wanted Tilly to do well on her exams and didn't wanted her to be worried about her.

Today was the beginning of a new week, Monday. Jen again didn't sleep all night and it started to show. Even though she cleaned herself up at the morning, she still looked a mess. Liam left at 8 am, like always and half an hours later their was a knock on the door. As Jen opened the door it got pushed open and she got slammed against the wall while Tilly pressed herself into her, kissing the brunette hard.

Jen had been taken by surprise by her visitor, she liked it but at the same time this wasn't typical Tilly behavior. 'Tilly …' she mumbled while the redhead kept kissing her and Jen felt a tear roll down her cheek. It wasn't hers but Tilly's, she was crying. 'Tilly … Tils, stop … what's wrong?'

'Tillly stopped and just wanted to let her tears escape from her eyes as a relieve for the angst she had but she tried he best to keep as many as possible in. She needed to be strong she thought but as Jen wrapped her arms around her to comfort her she couldn't keep them locked no longer.

'Hey, calm down' softly spoke Jen with her sweet warm voice 'Please tell me, what's going on?'

'I don't want to loose you! sniffed the redhead

'you won't, hey I'm here.'

'and what a bout the day after tomorrow, what if they lock you up? I don't want that!'

'shhh let's not think about that!' answered Jen wanting tilly not to think a bout that and kind of surprised that's the reason for he tears, like this would mean it must have been bothering her for a while now.

'well I do i missed you so much this weekend and all I could think of was this is how it would feel like if they … but then everyday'

'Tilly .. I' mumbled the brunette who now was also in tears.

'I can see you're worried too, Jen you look a mess… I don't want to loose you.'

'you won't! please wait for me if they… I love you.!'

'I love you too!' spoke tilly before starting to kiss the love of her life 'I'll wait forever for you' she added in between kisses

Jen's sad looking face changed as she heard the redhead say that. 'oh Tilly … I … I love you sooo much, you've no idea'

A smirk was written across all the redheads face as she already know what to reply and then she did 'then show me' she said, starting to kiss Jen again and again and again.


End file.
